Adventures in Engrish - Trip 1
10/22/05 - Excursion to El Paso's Biggest Dollar Store
Fast 2 Surmount
The title alone should make you wonder - it sounds like they tried to
find a cool-sounding, non-copyright-infringing version of "2 Fast
2 Furious" and failed dismally. The cars look more like the front
end of semi trucks rather than actual race cars. On the packaging, a sign
beside the road reads "DANDER" I never knew pet allergies were
such a problem with racecar drivers. Or truckers.
Pirates of the High Seas Pirate Cutlass
That artwork looks familiar. Could it be... Pirates of the Caribbean?
No, it's "Pirates of the High Seas"! Right. The text on the
top left reads "CONQEUR THE SEA" - how about you try to conquer
English first? I like the fact that "Pirate" and "Cutlass"
are in different fonts. Although it's described as a cutlass only, the
set comes with all manner of cheap piratical accessories. Yarr.
Police Equip Series
Text reads "THE FINEST QUALITY AND THE BEST VALUE". Somehow
I doubt it. The text below was found on a bunch of different toy packages.
It says "most new catena completely new to come in to the market".
No capitalization, no clue what "catena" means. It's definitely not an English word. This "completely
new to come into the market" slogan was found on most products. I'm
guessing it's a bad translation of "all new" or suchlike.
Hello, copyright infringment! First off, I doubt this thing actually "transforms"
in any way. Second, it looks more like a Gundam or a Zord than a Transformer.
The ginormous weapon actually says "SUPER SWORD" on it. That's
like the Halloween costumes that have a picture of the character on the
front explaining what you're supposed to be. Note the completely unnecessary
Chinese characters at the top of the pack - these are everywhere on bootleg
Be Without Equal Racer
The title alone is worth a mention, but look at the tagline: "Good
toy that play". Yikes. Not to mention that this looks nothing like
a racecar of any kind. Perhaps the bootleg companies have a different
definition of racer, judging by this and the "dander" vehicle
Tagline reads: "The best welcome gifts for all children" (pics
taken on a camera phone so they're not great). I don't know any kid who'd
consider a "Preeminent Car" to be a welcome gift of any sort.
DIY Work Tool Set
Our builder friend says "Very Good!" and "Come
and play together!" but the disclaimer tries to put a damper (dander?)
on all that fun - "SPECIFICATIONS COLOURS AND CONTENTS MAY VARY FROM
ILLUSTRATIONS". You mean this set doesn't include the realistic-looking
wrenches and screwdrivers pictured under the "DIY"? What a surprise!
As if you couldn't tell by the clear packaging, they felt the need to
spell this out. However, this set does include "many styles a lot.
Selected freely by your", so it can't be all bad, right?
Super Basket Ball
"Powerful a strong sports!" I doubt that a dollar-store
foam hoop is powerful or strong, and probably doesn't count as a real
sport either. The package tells us that "spirit is unreal".
Sadly, this Engrish packaging is far too real.
You know you've been waiting for this... this, ladies and
gentlemen, is the Preeminent Car. It looks more like Barbie's double-decker
bus to me. This features "100% New Concept", and the stickers
read "Sweet" and "Beautiful". Somehow it seems out
of place next to the high-tech city pictured on the card. Is this a "best
welcome gift"? I don't think so.
Not a toy, but Engrish just the same. Claiming "sauna
action for men and women", the Waist Trimmer also says: "Trust
it ! Make you Beauty Healthy!" Let me put it this way - if you're
getting all of your fitness equipment from the Dollar Store, I think being
Beauty Healthy is the least of your problems. The top line of the bottom
text reads "For men and women neopreena".
Adventures in Engrish - Trip 2
Adventures in Engrish - Trip 3
Pokemon Bootleg Merchandise and Games
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